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My daughter gets high marks and succeeds tremendously at her musical instrument. But now in middle school she is withdrawing socially. She says all she is interested in is her schoolwork but I wonder if it isn’t also that kids are more interested in sports, school dances and appearance. She has become frustrated when she points out a store where a friend shops only to realize they don’t carry her size. This is another issue. It is very difficult to find clothing to fit a 165-pound 12-year-old that’s fashionable and age-appropriate, and I have to take the brunt of why we can’t shop at XYZ store. Not to mention the constant cost of new clothes as she grows out of them.
We have always been an active and involved family, Many of our vacations revolve around outdoor experiences, I learned how to cook from real foods at a young age and continue doing so for my family, We are not on an “American” diet of convenience foods, Our son is thin and active, I am a long-distance runner, and my husband gets out and does what he can at the gym, custom pointe shoes We’ve signed her up for various rec sports over the years but she gets frustrated and has no interest in being uncomfortable, At the same time, she feels left out and left behind..
I am so sad and worried for her. She gets out of breath quicker than she should, carries her weight bulkily, hates going shopping, and hides further and further in her schoolwork. What can I do for her? What can she do for herself? I am worried her mental health will suffer as much as her physical health. Do I have to watch idly as she self-destructs?. DEAR SAD: It appears to me there’s one thing you haven’t yet tried: accepting her weight. As a crucial element of accepting her. As a crucial element of her accepting herself.
As a crucial element of not layering an emotional struggle on top of physical and societal ones, In your careful and well-intentioned way, you have drawn thinness as the only path to a good life, So what is your daughter to think when her body won’t take her there? Her life is bad?, Let’s take a moment to parse the idea of where her body “won’t” take her, too, There’s always someone ready to argue that any fat person can be a thin one through some set custom pointe shoes of choices or another, OK, Sure..
But bodies differ in the way they burn (or store) fuel. One person can drop weight doing X, but another has to do X, Y and Z to drop the same weight. So it’s not a matter of “I did X so she can do X too,” but instead of recognizing that you might have been her size at 12, too, if you’d had to fight yourself as hard as she does to be otherwise. So stop fixing and start supporting. Find a pretty-clothes source and keep them coming. Internet = no excuses. (Curvy bloggers HERE http://bit.ly/CurvyBlogs.) Teach your son about nutrition labels, too, and let your daughter see you do it. And learn what you’re really saying when you give your kids different messages — or when “fat is sooo expensive/upsetting/terrible” is your message, even unspoken.
Find a physical activity you can enjoy custom pointe shoes together; yoga via YouTube is free, private, and as good for heads as for hearts, Enjoy your daughter’s company, Work harder to meet her where she is, Talk privately with her doctor about your girl’s comprehensive health, Feelings, friends, food choices, activity levels, Doc was right to call you out: What “chubby” American needs another shaming message? From Mom?, And read Lindy West — copiously, Get thoroughly entertained as you rethink what you think you know about weight..
SAN JOSE — A day after a group of Bellarmine College Prep football players took a knee during the national anthem, opinions on the stunning student protest were as divided as the team itself. Related ArticlesAnthem protest: Bellarmine players take knee before Friday’s gameTrump tweets anew about NFL players, national anthem protestKurtenbach: The Warriors made the right decision to stand for the anthemWarriors abstain from protesting before preseason openerWhile some criticized the students on social media for imitating NFL players and said the move disrespected American values, Vicki Hagberg said she couldn’t be prouder of her 16-year-old son, Ryan, who was one of roughly a dozen players who knelt during the anthem Friday night before Bellarmine went on to lose to Junipero Serra High 48-0 at San Jose City College.
“We’re in a situation right now with our current political climate that contributes to this divisive community,” said Hagberg, an African-American woman who is married to a white man, “People are afraid to speak for themselves nowadays, I feel like he spoke up for himself and for other people who were overlooked or treated unfairly.”, In a letter to the Bellarmine community, the athletes said they hoped the “peaceful protest” would show their “dissatisfaction with our society’s failure to uphold the values of justice, equality, and peace, and custom pointe shoes start constructive dialogue in our community.” The students said they kneeled in support of marginalized groups such as minorities, women, immigrants and members of the LGBTQ community..